So the whistle blows this morning as an Amtrak train heading to its destination pulls out, I stand on the bridge overlooking into the trench below with thoughts of what is going on in my life. I feel, right now, a huge sense of defeat; missing a 2nd job interview by mere minutes to be rescheduled at a later date. It isn’t fair – I left with plenty of time to spare, right? Traffic was a bit uncooperative, but the slowing wasn’t that major, or, at least, so I thought. Along with the departure of this intercontinental transport, came a huge feeling of dismay and depression. And the realities of my life, right at that moment, became very apparent and very real to me.
My family and I are in trouble – huge financial trouble. Things are slowly being turned off. Communication lines are dwindling; cell phones got suspended yesterday, I need to negotiate my water bill so it doesn’t get turned off, our rent is past-due one month (protected by the Chapter 7 I mentioned in a previous post), but this month is due in TWO DAYS, and no extra $$$ in sight to pay for it. $800 was a blessing given to us vs. $900 when new property managers took over in May, but me losing my job in September, and a huge legal fight now between my ex-employer, other Federal entities, State entities, and myself, money that I thought would be in my hands to further take care of my family has been stalled and so here we are….
Who would I be to defy the Law of Attraction? A hypocrite…that’s what! And I believe in this principle so much that it literally is the foundation for which I allow myself to wander through life. Sometimes, with vague uncertainty, I vibrate at a frequency that is consistent with confidence. And still, there’s that part of me that is scared to death of the future ahead.
I’m writing this year a little differently than the last. When we did this before, a poem written fast. A lot has gone on, since the time before, and I hope that this year’s miracles are granted some more. The family has moved in a home that was here, but done so in haste, due to Freddie Mac early this year. The budget is stretched much further than before, but I have the same job with the company I adore. But due to the changes, with our rent amount that soared, there’s no surplus for some basics, my account is so chored. And now here at Christmas, though presents aren’t the need, it’s a want that any person would want far from greed. My family’s the best, and I cherish them so; to give them that special gift all wrapped in nice bows. Aside from some gifts, or some cards they can use, I’m asking for something special that I simply can’t lose. Six months or so ago, I found out some news. “Tom you have lost some sight, and a privilege you lose!” I now cannot drive, my dependency back, to buses and people to transport the track. And now I’m not certain how long what’s here lasts, I’m scared and I’m shaking, inside my fear casts. Please Santa, please help me! I can’t lose this fight! Please Santa, oh Santa, I can’t lose my sight. On top of the previous, I have one more wish – a promotion that would afford me – one favorite dish. This letter’s for them, not really for me, but I hope you’ll consider these things to help me. As always, a thank you, and a good sense of cheer. Merry Christmas, dear Santa, and Happy New Year!
Strength lies in the purpose of the Self. Endurance lies within your Self’s preservation. Worth is the Self’s ability to know its own heart. SEW a few threads, and be warmed from the soul side out. -Tom Chancy
Some things you will never understand about me. That’s ok. Maybe I have an eternity to explain them.
BLACK FRIDAYS come and go, but this gift lasts a little longer than Black Friday and Cyber Monday specials that drag us awake and out of our warmth in a matter of moments.
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Working on it is not good enough…it allows for too much distance from the goal of actually doing it.