My Train of Dreams Just Left


So the whistle blows this morning as an Amtrak train heading to its destination pulls out, I stand on the bridge overlooking into the trench below with thoughts of what is going on in my life.  I feel, right now, a huge sense of defeat; missing a 2nd job interview by mere minutes to be rescheduled at a later date.  It isn’t fair – I left with plenty of time to spare, right?  Traffic was a bit uncooperative, but the slowing wasn’t that major, or, at least, so I thought.  Along with the departure of this intercontinental transport, came a  huge feeling of dismay and depression.  And the realities of my life, right at that moment, became very apparent and very real to me.

My family and I are in trouble – huge financial trouble.  Things are slowly being turned off.  Communication lines are dwindling; cell phones got suspended yesterday, I need to negotiate my water bill so it doesn’t get turned off, our rent is past-due one month (protected by the Chapter 7 I mentioned in a previous post), but this month is due in TWO DAYS, and no extra $$$ in sight to pay for it.  $800 was a blessing given to us vs. $900 when new property managers took over in May, but me losing my job in September, and a huge legal fight now between my ex-employer, other  Federal entities, State entities, and myself, money that I thought would be in my hands to further take care  of my family has been stalled and so here we are….

Who would I be to defy the Law of Attraction?  A hypocrite…that’s what!  And I believe in this principle so much that it literally is the foundation for which I allow myself to wander through life.  Sometimes, with vague uncertainty, I vibrate at a frequency that is consistent with confidence.  And still, there’s that part of me that is scared to death of the future ahead.